Before I left, my brother and I had a heated conversation about whether or not they would drive back to our parents' house at 1:30-2 am after seeing a show at ACL Live. My mother and I pleaded with him to please agree to crash at my house, rather than drive back to our hometown. He had a key, knew the alarm code and had stayed in my guest room comfortably before. No such luck. He was adamant. In fact, his response was, "absolutely not," and "out of the question; it is decided." Well, great. I can't wait to bond your sorry ass out of jail in the middle of the night. I told him if he changed his mind to let me know. He looked at me with fire in his eyes and I knew the discussion was over, now more out of principle and not budging with his older sister.
I got back to my house, unpacked, settled in, and eventually set the alarm and went to bed.
3:28 am my alarm went off. It kept going off. My God, that thing was loud. The only thing making more noise was my heart. I could feel the throbbing of each beat in my ears. It kept going off. Finally, I could hear the landline ringing. I knew it was the alarm company, but I couldn't reach it upstairs. Please let this be one of my friends making a really crappy decision to come on over!
Then I heard the sound of feet stomping up stairs two at a time. A muffled, very low voice said, "Fuck! The alarm is going off." I made sure my door was locked again as I pressed the panic button. Why hadn't the alarm company called my cellphone yet? The keypad/panic button shorted out. The backlight flickered and went black. I was on the phone with 911.
Spike blinked up at me. I picked him up and shoved him in the closet behind me. The feet bounded up the stairs again. Where the FUCK were the police? We were about 9 minutes into the ordeal. 9 minutes is a very long time to have intruders in a 1,000 sq ft town home.
I told the operator they were outside my bedroom door. I let the operator know I was in a defensive position with the bed between me and the door. The operator asked if I had any weapons in the house, I said yes. I had a rifle in my closet. The operator said the one thing you don't want to hear in that moment, "Now is the time to take it out."
One problem. Well, really I guess I had two... Aside from the problem of the intruder, I don't keep rounds upstairs near the gun for safety reasons. The rounds were downstairs in the buffet. So, I put the bolt in and pretended to have a round in the chamber. I asked the 911 operator to mute the other end of the line and put my iPhone on speaker and placed it on the bed.
I tried to think of a prayer but my brain went speechless. It was an empty, menacing, faceless terror and I could feel it breathing down my neck. I told the 911 operator that they were at my door, this was it. Get the Goddamn police here! Tell my parents I love them and I'm sorry (that I didn't listen to my dad and at least keep a couple rounds upstairs).
Spike started barking behind me from the closet. I wished I could hide in there with him.
Then I heard a knock. Yes. Who is there? "It's your sister in law." I opened the door and she could see the gun behind me on the bed. She didn't know that it is essentially just a big, scary stick without any ammunition. Did I mention she hates guns passionately?
WHY didn't you announce your presence in the 10 mins the alarm was going off...in the home of a single, female, sharpshooter, gun owner...or answer the phone for the alarm company? OR TELL ME YOU WERE COMING?? Or try to call my cell? Or turn the damn alarm off? Or, or, or, or...
I put the gun away. My SIL had clearly turned around to complain to my brother about the gun. Shut the fuck up. I tried to pull myself together and explain calmly why this was a problem that had a couple facts been different, it would have ended in tragedy.
I started to see spots. I could hear voices like they were down a hallway. I offered them a bottled water as I started to pass out. I told them I was about to faint. I collapsed on the couch. I was sweating, but went cold.
Her response to the bottled water? "I'm morally opposed to bottled water."
My thoughts? Last call at the bar was a long time ago chil'en. Where the fuck have you been the past hour and a half? And in closing, I'm morally opposed to my house being broken into at 3:30 in the morning!
